The Precipice
2023-08-16
I kinda forgot I had this site, but I'm back now, albeit briefly, just to sort of leave another little time capsule for future me, and maybe for others too idk. It's kind of the end of an era for me and I want to record that.
I'm due to get my results for sixth form tomorrow, and hopefully after that I'll start uni. I'll have to update the site quite a bit to reflect that, especially the about page. I may also add some extra things like a guestbook and other stuff just to have some substance on the homepage until I have some personal projects I'm able to share, and who knows how long that'll take.
Sixth form generally went... okay? I'm pretty sure I did well academically, but not so well socially. Turns out not talking to people means nobody bothers talking to you, shocker(!) I'm really bad at telling when it's appropriate to talk to people and whether or not they'd find me annoying, so it's better to not risk it in my opinion. I'm just bad at talking to people in general though, if I feel like I don't have anything to contribute to the conversation I just... don't say anything, which I guess is good since I'm not overly chatty, but it makes it weirdly hard to maintain them. Not having any public-facing social media also makes things harder, probably, but I'll drop dead before I make an insta or twitter or give an irl my tumblr.
I'm honestly a bit scared to go to uni, I'm not sure how easily I'll be able to get a job in my chosen industry, but that's kind of true for every job right now. I'm just hoping things get somewhat better before I leave, but that's kind of a pipe dream, I know. It feels weird having to regard my future with so much dread. I'm probably supposed to be excited about the freedom of becoming a 'real adult' instead of being apprehensive about whether I'll ever be able to afford to move out or get a job or anything like that. Every option feels wrong, but uni feels the least wrong if that makes sense.
Aside from worrying about my future, I've been mostly working on a fic during this time, which I also plan on publishing tomorrow. I bought the source material to treat myself for finishing my courses, so it feels fitting to release it on my results day I think. It's not quite up to my standards, but I'm at that beginning point where I feel like everything I made sucks, and I'm trying to learn that my art can still have merit even if I consider it bad, so I think sharing it may help with that a little. Besides, I can always go back and rework it if needs be.
Will I remember to update the site tomorrow? Who knows! I sure don't!